My Soul

My soul,
Fate has played its game and sent us apart from each other, but you know what, there is not a single moment in my life that passed without your thought. I see you besides me, I feel you around me… but I miss you in my heart and your presence.

I can’t explain you in words how much I miss you… Tears come in my eyes and heart gets heavier than a rock…This is the way I live every moment without you, ‘cause habits are hard to change. I am habituated to you; your care and love are like supplies to my soul.

I sometimes feel that there is no soul inside me, I feel restless, cant sleep overnight… my mind  full of your thoughts. But the good  thing is you are the only reason because of which I am doing well and prospering in life. I am dying to come back to you and  I know you are also waiting for me to come back and hug you. I promise sweetheart I will come again back soon.
I love you lot and I miss you….

Yours

Love Letter 1

My dearest Nadine,

It's been a while that we have been apart from each other... and I can't describe how much I miss you day and night.

Every night, when I lie down on my bed, I almost feel you hugging me from behind and caressing my face. Oh, how much I miss feeling your tender lips against mine.
But I'm not sad but happy and hopeful, because we'll be meeting each other very soon.
Meanwhile, your love is the sunshine of my day. Thinking about you or just hearing your name in my mind gives me so much hope and energy to go through my day.
Oh, how sweet it is to be in love with an angel like you!

pee ass-> haha ( stole it from u) can't wait for out next trip!

Love you forever,
Your sweetheart!!

Last weekend, I went to Bali for a couple of days with my family.

It was a much needed trip. I forgot whether I have told you before or not, but my office doesn't give their "baby associates" a leave for a year because we're kinda like in probation period or something. All my fellow newbies had a break before they started to work but not me, I wasn't given days off from internship to this because there is a demanding project that can't be left at all. These stuff can pretty much make a person very, very cranky at times.

So this is definitely a short but very appreciated break to reboot myself. When I told my parents my office would have a longer holiday, they quickly booked this trip. Bali was packed this time of year. If it was a normal situation, I wouldn't go at all. I hate going in a vacation during peak season because it would be hard to go anywhere with so many people around but I don't wanna take any chances of not being able to go at all for a year. So yeah, a full overly crowded island? Small risk to take but for you guys abroad I wont recommend visiting Bali during school holiday (can be from late June to August here), Eid holiday, Christmas, and new year unless you wanna suffocate yourself.

I had a great time though, hell I was excited to leave Malaysia in the first place.

We stayed in this fabulous resort in a three bedroom villa with its own pool and hot tub not too far from the touristy areas in Bali and a few steps away from the beach and I spent most of the days just laying around in the beach, jumping into the water whenever I want. I did it for hours and hours. No wonder I got so tanned right now, my co-workers teased me and called me "a village chick" because of it. Such haters, haha.

I also did a bunch of other things: had a traditional Balinese massage, visited secluded beaches (one of my all-time favorites is in Nammos Beach Club where you had to go down a cliff with an inclinator, it's practically empty with its warm white sands, huge waves and a seaside restaurant with yummy drinks), watched sunset, shopped for weird stuff in street markets (like penis-shaped bottle openers), ate seafood dinner by the beach and other good food that can make you literally expanded.

Too bad I didn't really go out at night to clubs here, it's one experience I'm missing since pretty much everyone I know go never misses partying here. A lot of them are crazy with their 1 dollar tequila shot and a 3 dollars cocktail jug (getting really effed up takes a whole new meaning,no?). Malaysia is officially robbing my drinking money. Oh well, maybe next time.

Here are some pictures (most of them are of me and my brother being a camera slut) :

Sayang,
For you to know this making me missing you deeply. Remember our first lover trip.
I can't even get enough of you. I miss you so much!

I love you- Cinta kita - Eryn & Nadine.

Another holiday

Hello there :).

It's a late Monday night, and I've got class tomorrow. It was raining pretty hard all day (I'd actually call it a storm), until about four o'clock when it finally stopped.

I stayed in the house with HER  , playing video games and such. We pushed the curtains aside so that we could see the rain drops coming down the windows and all the trees swaying uncontrollably. At a little before four, I made my way to work.

Alright, so today I realized how important it is to be selfish. Just last night, I almost had a full-on mental breakdown because [I now realize] I hadn't been selfish enough. Sometimes, being selfish is absolutely necessary. We need time for ourselves, to sort of step out of "the flow" and to realize we are people that live. For me, this hadn't been done for a while.

I tend to stick to rhythms and patterns daily. I have certain ways of living, following the same routines. Not in an OCD type of way, but enough to say that there's a vague "outline" that I follow routinely. When these patterns are overflowed with excess activities, thoughts, or stress-factors... I kind of freak out.

Sometimes, taking some time for myself is difficult. I feel that I need to keep up with the flow in order to reassure everybody around me that I am capable of handling everything. But with my hectic schedule, it gets kind of overwhelming. Really quickly. I then begin to give up on everything, and I become rather lazy because I just cannot find the energy to put into anything that I'd like to do.

This is where selfishness comes in handy.

When I feel overwhelmed like this, I need time to do nothing but to be alone and feel whatever I feel. If I'm currently angry with a certain situation I'm having to deal with- then I should sit in my room and feel angry about it when I have time, so that my emotions and thoughts are clear to me. This is how you find peace within yourself.

So yeah, it's perfectly fine for me to tell HER I’m not in a good mood, even though I have an entire day off and have no other plans. Because I need to be selfish enough so that I can bring myself back to reality, and out of the flow.

I hope I'm making sense.

The point being, even if other people may view this as selfish, once you are out of this "mode", then you're completely free to do whatever you'd like- peacefully. And when you are out, you can explain to the people around you and they'll easily understand. Being selfish is healthy. Being independent is healthy.

Take some time for yourself.

At the same time, though, I'd like to mention how other people can bring us out of our "flows". We don't necessarily have to go into complete "lock-myself-up-in-my-dark-room-ness" (I hope that's not what you learned out of the above). Nadine, generally, is not a "go with the flow" type of person. He just kind of does what he wants, when he wants, and has fun with it. A lot of the time, when I feel really overwhelmed and, quite frankly, not human, I try to find a day to spend with her- because I know she'll bring me out of the pattern that I live in.

It's sort of like living in a black and white world.
Everything repeats...
Everything falls right back into place...
And then, realizing that you have
your own set of color pencils
that draw for you, if not alongside you.Rainbows, and colors you've never seen before.

That's pretty much the feeling she gives me when we hang out after I've been feeling contained.

She's my beautiful set of color pencils
that I carry around in my back pocket.

My Love Rhytm : Nadine will finished up her holiday for almost 2 weeks. And we’ve been cuddle and doing “ the right thing that we should do”  when someone becomes two”- Go figure!

Time envy US ( Nadine 'n' Eryn)

I just got home from the Airport. She's probably on the flight now to Kingsford Smith Airport. She will be in the flight for about 7 Hours 50 Mins. It's almost 8 Hours and it's killing me. The feeling of missing her like hell . I really can't bare to this. Afraid of not seeing her again. Really drove me crazy.

It was raining at the first time she came here, and now it's raining too. And i am crying in her shoulder just now.Opposite feelings when she came here. I am really happy in her warm arm. So now I'm just listening to Ingrid Michaelson's song, "Maybe" over and over again.

Nadine, Please don't u ever forget about 'US'. I am really happy with our short trip in Bali. I will wait for you like i always do. I can't erase your warm touch and your extreme caring towards me.

Yes, I miss you already. Thank you so much for visiting me, the last few days were the best weeks in my life (so far) and everything in my room reminds me of you. It's sad.. it's just sad...

P.s for you, yes. you, love. Don't call me 'emo' when you read this post please.

I still feel you on the right side of the bed

and I still feel you in the blankets you pulled over my head

But I'm gonna wash away everything, till you come home to me.

And i still feel your warm kisses.........................................................

Maybe in the future you're gonna come back around

Ingrid Michaelson - Maybe

The one that always need you. - Your Other Half.

Today is the lovely day.

Nowadays...
We even talked for five hours non-stop. Even my parents and friends noticed that both of us seemed different. My parents asked me if something had happened to make me so happy. My friends told me I was a lot more fun to be around now then I used to be. Her friends said similar things to her. We helped each other to come out of our sad "shell." Naturally, we began to fall in love. We cared about each other so much that the love just developed, even though we didn't mean it to. We finally told each other we loved each other, and we both felt the same and were happy. As the months passed, we just got closer and closer. Our love just got stronger. She was mine, I was her's.

Eventually, we met again today in KL. I drove down to KL to spend time with her. We just went to the mall, and walked around and talked and laughed and hugged, and it was really the best day of both our lives. After we went to dinner, we got in my car to listen to music and talk. We started hugging, and just held each other. After saying sweet things to each other, and hugging, I kissed her on the cheek. And she kissed me on my forehead and lips. We kissed on the lips, and i would love to spare the details.** Amazingly Happy. If you know what I mean. This was the first time for me to felt such wonderful feelings . Too bad We went our separate ways today, but completely happy and content.

Both of us had prayed for a friend that was like us, someone who understands us, and our prayers were answered. I was content with my life, and she was content with her's. 
She's wanted to play low in this relation. She did mention that she really loves me and wanted to spare all the details. I agree with her but i am stubborn enough.

She's the most wondeful creatures and the things that i love about her is she's is so gentlemen, romantic & protective. I even visited her father today. They did look alike and share same persona.

I love you Nadine. I really do!

ur's

Nadine & Me

before i share this love story,

let me say one thing.

if you would have asked me two years ago if i thought internet friendships or relationships would actually work,

i would probably lean towards no.

but since experiencing great friendships through blogs and such,

that has definitely swayed my opinion.

so, yes...

i'm a firm believer that love can be found anywhere:)

...

Have you ever liked someone so much that every time you say goodbye and hang up the phone, you just wanna call them right back, just to say good bye again? That's actually how I feel, no matter how messed up it sounds...

I knew Nadine since December 2008 through a friend in Singapore. I'm obsessed with fashion and she's commented  on my sketch and design  and fave them. I had a boyfriend at that time.
I don't take her too seriously and also to add on i'm not a gay. And then she added me on facebook but ignore her i don't know WHY. But we started to talk and replying text. After two months talking on the phone , she added my skype on March 25th. We talked for 5 hours nonstop about everything! From there I found that I and Nadine got a lot of things in common. Music, Film, Food, Games, Life, and he also taught me Mandarin. I went to bed with a huge smile at that night.

I broke up with my ex on April 2nd. Things were just really weird atm, so I decided to break up. I told Nadine everything, and she said it's gonna be ok. I spent hours in front of my laptop everyday just to talk with her, she's just a really nice person to talk to, and she's funny! We love to play games too, but struggling to deal with internet connection and time difference is kinda annoying.

She said the 'Love' word for the first time on October 20th. I jumped on my bed when she said that, that was one of the best moments in my life.

she's a half malaysian and half Taiwanese , and I'm Half Indonesian and half Malaysian.

We both asian in common.
 Sometimes we talk about one day we will meet again and the idea of living together, as I sit here and type this, I smile because I know it will happen. I have never been so sure in my life. First I thought it's impossible with me, but now I'm sure that this long distance relationship will work out well, although sometimes things are went wrong, but like hse said, relationship isn't always have to be that perfect, it's boring :)

She is the reason I get up in the morning, the reason I don't get enough sleep at night, the one I run to everything, the smile on my face, the butterflies in my tummy, he's simply everything I've ever wanted in someone.

Nadine - I Love You.